Troubles of a (Super) Youth
by JustSomeoneElse
Summary: A collection of drabbles, ficlets and one-shots featuring the heroic, villainous and undecided teens and kids from Miracle City! Characters, pairings, genre and rating may vary.
1. Bad Day, Another Day

**Summary: A collection of one-shots/drabbles centered around the young villains/heroes.**

 **Chapter summary:** The typical routine of a Miracle City villain in 2nd person.

 **Genre(s):** Humor/Action

 **Disclaimer: El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is copyrighted by Nick, Mexopolis and its creators Jorge R. Gutierrez and Sandra Equihua. Any referenced works are owned by their respective creators.**

* * *

It's a beautiful day today. The sky is clear and the birds are chirping…while the townspeople are running away, screaming and a giant monster is attacking the city.

( _just another day in the spicy cesspool that is Miracle City_ ).

The monster could easily be spotted making its way through the streets. The huge, horrid beast let out an ear-shattering roar before tearing apart another building like it was a piece of bread ( _man, you really should've eaten before this- evildoing really opened your appetite!_ ).

The screams and the sounds of destruction around you mix together in dreadful harmony- music to your years! Smoke covers the blue sky and that wonderful spicy cesspool smell surrounds you- it really is a perfect day! Perfect for the execution of your newest ( _brilliant, evil_ ) plan to finally rule Miracle City!

 _(and then, the world! but first things first- art cannot be rushed after all)._

The sights and smells and sounds fill you with joy as you cackle big and loud ( _with your_ _ **very**_ _evil laugh, thank you very much_ ). You love your job as any villain of respect would. But the destruction is not the only part of it. Crushing your enemies and anyone who stands in your way goes without saying of course. Idiotic heroes are always bound to arise trouble. So, when a familiar ( _infuriating, annoying little vermin_ ) feline-themed superhero arrives, you turn and exclaim, " _El Tigre!"_ , already annoyed, but confident- _this time, yes, this time for sure you'll get rid of that annoying, overgrown gato!_

He jumps through the air and kicks, and slashes, and jumps; taunting, and mocking, and insulting you. Your blood boils, and that churning little feeling you always feel in your stomach whenever you see the undecided Rivera slowly, _then quickly_ , spread throughout your veins.

He has already defeated your minions and you are no worse for the wear. _No matter_ , you think, _I can still win_ , _I can still defeat him_ \- and within a second, he has done it. He has once again defeated you and left you injured and humiliated. Your bones hurt; your pride, even moreso.

 _Surely this day could not get worse_ , you think.

Except that it can.

From where you lay, you can see something falling from the sky, right in your direction…oh, it's the remains of your weapon…along with the huge, huge monster you used before.

( _why did you think it would be any different today_ )

Your eyes practically bulge out of your eye sockets at the sight. _Man, today just wasn't your day_ , you think before everything is dark.

( _just another day in the daily life of a villain in this spicy cesspool that is Miracle City_ ).

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Well, where do I start…? This is my first time writing a fic, actually. I'm not really happy with this fic to be honest, but I figured that it would be better to publish something than nothing at all. Gotta start somewhere, right?**

 **El Tigre is one of those shows that ended too soon and is one of the few that I've got… well, inspiration to write for because of all the info the creators dumped on the fandom. I've been thinking of writing for this fandom for the longest time- I originally wanted to post something for the show's 10** **th** **anniversary, but… well didn't really make it in time, haha.**

 **Hopefully I'll actually stick around and write as much as I want- I have many ideas I want to put down on paper!**

 **For now this is all, I hope you enjoyed this little ficlet!**


	2. Under the Trash

**Summary: A collection of one-shots, drabbles and ficlets centered around the young villains/heroes.**

 **Chapter summary:** The whole situation stank a lot, but worse than that- that song was going to get stuck on his head for the rest of the day.

 **Genre(s):** Humor/Friendship

 **Warning(s): Garbage.**

 **Disclaimer: El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is copyrighted by Nick, Mexopolis and its creators Jorge R. Gutierrez and Sandra Equihua. Any referenced works are owned by their respective creators.**

* * *

You wouldn't know it unless you've been there, but the spicy cesspool that is Miracle City isn't the best place for children to play outside. Not really because of the ridiculous amount of villains that swarm the place, no, no, but because of the many, highly polluted areas. Sad as it may be, litter filled many parks and recreational sites to the brim and thus, made it impossible to enjoy them in a healthy, secure manner for the innocent children and civilian folk. And the public service was clearly not enough to maintain those places well-kept. So it was, of course, a hero's duty to help 'those poor men and lend their power to make their beloved Miracle City a beautiful, clean place to live!'

…or so was what his father said.

Manny Rivera, also known as El Tigre, was not a happy camper at the moment. He and Frida had been caught in another one of their 'operations'. This one he had been rather proud of- this time they managed to fill up Vice-Principal Chackal's office with chocolate pudding without anyone noticing! But of course, the old goat had no sense of humor at all, and promptly accused him and Frida of being guilty. Obviously, the grumpy man had a bias against him and Frida because really, what reason did he have to suspect them? Other than all the times they pranked him and the chocolate pudding in their clothes, that is.

Manny and his friend tried to explain it to their parents in the usual calm fashion. That is, speaking over each other with excuses more absurd than the last one, since they didn't bother to come up with something beforehand. And just then, their lockers burst open with loads and loads of leftover pudding coming out of them.

And that's how they got here. A beautiful, sunny day, stuck here, helping clean the trash and bring it to Miracle City's garbage dump, when they could have been playing videogames or doing something dangerous and stupid.

The curly-haired teen kept grumbling under his breath as he threw another can in the bag he was carrying. He just wanted this thing to be over so he could go home and play 'Super Macho Fighter III' and eat churros. Stupid Chackal, stupid junk, stupid, stupid, _stupid_ -

" _Under the traaash/ Under the trash…_ "

The hero-villain's inner rant was interrupted by a familiar voice. Ah, yes, and there was _that_.

" _Trust me, dude, it's better!/ Down where the roaches gather/ Take it from meee_ "

She had been singing for quite a while now. Honestly, he should've seen it coming. Knowing the blue-haired girl for as long as he did, the feline-themed super was very, very used to Frida suddenly bursting into a song. From her favorite bands' hits to songs from movies and musicals to her own creations, Frida randomly performing in the middle of the day- regardless of what they were doing at the moment- was a given if you hang around her enough.

'Still', thought Manny as he grit his teeth together and closed his eyes, trying to keep his temper in check, 'did she really have to do that right _now'_? It was _hot_ , and everything _stank_ , and he was just _tired_ and **annoyed** , and-

" _Up in the street we workin' all day/ Out in the sun we slavin' away!_ "

Okay, that was it- Manny quickly turned to his partner in crime and shouted her name, "FRIDA!"

The blue-haired girl stopped her singing and turned to her friend, a puzzled expression on her face as she shouted a "what" back at him.

"Stop with the singing already! It's hot, we're stuck with all this junk and you're not _helping_!" was the tiger-boy's exasperated response, which did _not_ sound like a whiny kid's rant at all. Really. It didn't.

The rocker-wannabe got an annoyed scowl herself and replied, "Fine! Geez, don't get your panties in a bunch, dude", with that, she turned around she to do her share of work, muttering something under her breath.

Manny sighed, as there was finally silence. He felt a little bad as he turned his attention to the bottles and cans in the ground; Frida had only been trying to make their tiring task a little more lively, he guessed, as she usually did when bored. He really should apologize, shouldn't he? The boy bit his bottom lip as he mulled it over for a bit.

The boy turned to his female companion once again with a soft "hey, Frida" and an apology. The girl's irritated expression melted into her default easy-going smile with a "no, problem, dude", as it usually happened whenever one of them snapped at the other- they didn't really stay mad at each other for long.

With everything back to normal, Manny turned to his share of garbage, determined to finish this as soon as possible. Good thing that Frida wasn't the type to stay mad too long- well, with him anyway. But… what was that mischievous look he saw in her eyes as she accepted the apology? Could she be planning something…?

'Naah', thought Manny as he focused on his trash. She was probably just thinking on what she would do once they finished- and then, Manny could hear a feminine voice humming a rather familiar tune. 'Oh, no', was the teenager's thought before-

" _Trust me, dude, it's better!/ Down where the roaches gather/ Under the traaash_ "

"FRIDA!"

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you all who reviewed last chapter! So many nice comments! So here it is another one! This time with the beloved main characters Manny and Frida!**

 **To the 'Guest' reviewer: Haha, yes, originally the ficlet was from Dr. Chipotle Jr.'s POV, but then I wanted to change it so it could be more…generic and fit more than one villain, but I guess it was obvious that I had him in mind when writing it , huh?**

 **I will try to post more stuff soon. But until then tell me, what minor character would like to see more of? (I'm just curious, that's all. It might help me organize my drafts).**


	3. The First Time (Resentment)

**Summary: A collection of one-shots/drabbles centered around the young villains/heroes.**

 **Chapter summary:** And they'd loathe him their whole lives long.

 **Genre(s):** Angst/Hurt/Comfort.

 **Disclaimer: El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is copyrighted by Nick, Mexopolis and its creators Jorge R. Gutierrez and Sandra Equihua. Any referenced works are owned by their respective creators.**

* * *

 _It takes little to bear a grudge._

The first time you see him, you are still innocent, a trusting soul- eager to meet people, excited to be living your dream.

( _a cowboy, brave, courageous, handsome, just like those movies. with your loyal steed and a hat in hand, adventures await you, in a land where you can be whoever you want-_

 _-anyone but the bored- stupid, unloved, smothered- little boy in that cold mansion back in Italy_ )

He looks friendly, approachable, easy to talk to.

( _you'll never admit it out loud_ ). He is the first person you reach out to in that city.

That was your first ( _and you wish it would be, but it's not your last_ ) mistake.

It takes one sentence. One single, little sentence and your life is in shambles.

( _you can still remember the laughter- how it followed you everywhere, as if the entire town was synchronized in its intent to mock you_ )

There's a churning feeling in your stomach. It burns, burns, burns; it's acid in your veins, fire in your lungs. You want to scream and cry- it's not fair!

( _something's stuck in your throat- a vile, disgusting thing you're not familiar with; your eyes burn with unshed, bitter tears, and you're trapped in a limbo. you need something- anything!- to get you outoutout_ )

Eventually you stand up from your pitiful hole of self-pity ( _because you didn't come here to be humiliated by a nobody, to be defeated before you could show them all what you're really capable of!_ ) and start to work. There's just enough material and just enough money, so you can build what will be the key to your rightful vengeance ( _to a whole new life, to a whole new world_ ).

It takes a while but it pays off. Soon, your armor is complete. The beautiful cold metal body is welcoming, as you take it for a test drive near your home. It's perfect.

( _you also add a mask with a hat and mustache; try again and again, until you find the perfect tone of voice- just like that one actor you always enjoyed seeing in the westerns. it's all for the sake of a perfect disguise, but hey, why not have some fun while you're at it?_ )

You have the armor, the hat, the mustache, the accent- but there was something missing… just what could it be? Ah, yes, you remember as you take Mr. Broomyhorse in your hands, of course- what's a cowboy without his trusty, mighty steed?

A joyful ( _vicious_ ) grin blooms in your face as you take off to Miracle City's Recycling Center.

You can almost taste the cold dish that is your revenge.

( _your dream can still come true after all_ )

* * *

 _But perhaps it was hatred at first sight_.

The first time you see him, it isn't when he and his father ( _unfairly, unreasonably_ ) throw your father in jail. No, it is much, much earlier than that.

You are a young, confused creature- practically newborn, fresh out of the oven-or lab. You have a home, but you are alone.

( _everywhere you go, everywhere you look, there are pictures and images and sights of adults and their children. having fun, being together. you soon learn of family and its concept. And you want it- so, so badly…_

 _-you are so, so very lonely_ )

And then, you see him; without a worry in the world, a big smile on his face. He's with a tall masked man in a suit and a short old man with a big, ( _obnoxiously_ ) yellow sombrero. He's-they're- having the time of their lives. Together. Enjoying each other's company.

( _family. warmth. love._ )

( _things you never had._

 _things you still don't have despite all your efforts_ )

You want it. And you can make it ( _your ingenious, brilliant mind can make it_ ). So you do. A little bit of samples with your DNA here, a little bit of tampering on the machines of your lab there, inserting information about the world, and Miracle City and families, and it's done. A father and a grandfather, a family, just like you always wanted.

( _like you still want_ )

Things don't really go as expected. Your _papi_ isn't as tender as you expected, your _granpapi_ already looks like he's on the brink of senility. But you try. You try and teach and interact until things seems to be taking a turn for the better. Your relationship with your family is finally improving! Your father ruffles your hair, your grandpapi tells you stories and all is fine.

Until it's not fine anymore. Until your father is sent to jail, and when he gets back, gone is good part of the progress you both made. In your father's mind, now, there's only one thing, and one thing only- _revenge on White Pantera_!

( _you were bitter with being forced to feel loneliness again. you were even more because they took your family from you. you swore vengeance because they ruined every little bit of your dreams, of your fantasy of the perfect family_ )

El Tigre would pay for imprisoning your father, for ruining your family. He would soon know the pain you felt. _Soon_.

* * *

 _And the resentment just grew_ …

The first time you see him, it's through your grandmother's personal archives. You've heard of him before (the many, many angry rants nana Sartana had about the Riveras certainly helped).

( _angry rants you realize are soundly justified now, for those three do nothing but ruin everyone and everything around them- disgusting meat-bags, wastes of air and space! -it's all their fault, all their fault! your life- your family-_ )

He looks…underwhelming and disappointedly normal. _This_ is what had been causing grandmother trouble lately?

( _pathetic, it truly is time for the old hag to retire permanently and give the spotlight and the throne and the power to you_ )

But you're not one to give in so easily into first appearances and so, you decide to investigate the infamous family further- until you know what makes them tick, until you know the tiniest little cracks that makes them vulnerable and weak.

( _and that you did, to a most wondrous result! everything would've gone fine if not for that stupid ingrate- howdarehehowdarehe_ )

You are a perfectionist. Everything is carefully planned: from how you'd first appear in public ( _a remarkable, ambitious entrance with the slightest sign of vulnerability- just the thing to get him to empathize with you_ ); to the grand finale where you'd manipulate the boy into ending his own family ( _wicked whispers feeding the fire you'd seen in his eyes- you almost laugh as you see it grow, grow, grow_ ).

Your grandmother is surprised, but not at all convinced of your plan. A charming ( _forced, teeth grinding_ ) smile, hours of arguments and talking, and she's graciously allowing you to set your plan in motion.

And everything, everything had been going so perfectly, just according to plan ( _they'd all been your little marionettes, dancing to your twisted tune_ ). The boy is quite entertaining and, you admit despite yourself, full of potential. You can't help but think that he'd make a good villain.

Or so you thought. Until that blasted brat makes the worst mistake of his life and throws your masterpiece into jeopardy and you in the lava.

( _you refuse to admit that you'd had fun with that imbecile. talking and joking and just being a teenager for once. is this what is like to have a frie-_

 _you never dare finish- acknowledge- that disgusting, fleeting, traitorous thought._ )

Everything goes up in flames as you turn to dust and go back to the banished, deserted land.

Oh well, you think, a shame, but it's his loss.

( _it's not over yet, not at all_ )

Time to start from zero. It'll take a while until you're back to Miracle City and among the living, but that's just fine. Once you're back, oh, you will have quite a surprise waiting for them.

It doesn't matter how long it takes, your revenge will be perfect.

( _he'll wish gods and devils were punishing him instead_ )

* * *

El Tigre will pay and revenge will be yours!

( _no matter how long it takes_ )

 **El Tigre will pay and Miracle City will be yours!**

( _once he perishes_ )

 _ **El Tigre will pay and the world will be yours!**_

( _you'll have everything you ever…_ )

* * *

( _and thus it begins, rise, fall, rinse and repeat. if only you knew, if only you knew…_

 _-no, no, all lies, you'd do it anyway, you'd repeat it all anyway._

 _for what is a villain without a nemesis, who to hate and blame for the world's cruelty and misfortunes, who to win against and gloat in victory?_

 _for with all bad comes good, and what would be the good- the taste of finally having it, finally succeeding, finally happy- without the bad?_

… _the good?_

 _ah, if only you knew, if only you knew…_

 _oh, well!_

 _whatever. soon he would pay- he would! no matter how long it takes!_

 _and as for you… ah, you'd enjoy the ride in this strange new world that's opened it's doors for you._

 _ **Welcome, Miracle City**_ _._ )

* * *

 **Author's note: …Geez, drama queens much?**

 **This one's been sitting for a while in my computer… I originally had a different idea for this one, had planned to add more stuff, but I think it's better this way. I think I had most trouble in how to end it…**

 **But, anyway, this ficlet was inspired by some info revealed about these characters and my personal interpretations/headcanons about them. Also, I wanted to experiment with that kind of writing style. Eh, whatever.**

 **Anyway! Hopefully I'll soon post more stuff that isn't, uh…this. More fun stuff, ha. Hope you guys enjoyed it, have a nice weekend!**


	4. Vindication

**Summary:** A collection of one-shots/drabbles centered around the young villains/heroes.

 **Chapter summary:** El Tigre could suck it. There was nothing more disgusting than the food they served at the cafeteria.

 **Genre(s):** Humor(?)/Parody(?)

 **Disclaimer: El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is copyrighted by Nick, Mexopolis and its creators Jorge R. Gutierrez and Sandra Equihua. Any referenced works are owned by their respective creators.**

* * *

He remained his unblinking gaze on her, the weird combination of his yellow sclera and bright red irises making it all more unnerving.

"So?"

Frida blinked at the inquiry. "So what?" the blue-haired girl played dumb.

The soccer-loving zombie narrowed his eyes at her. She knew very well what he was asking her.

The stare down continued for a full minute before Frida sighed in resignation. He wouldn't let her be until she told him what she thought.

"Well…" she trailed off. Frida sighed. "It was better then the cafeteria's tortillas."

"What was?"

Frida glared at his barely contained smirk.

"Those refried brains tasted better than the cafeteria's tortillas," Frida grumbled.

At the blue-haired girl's admission, Che's smirk turned into a huge, face-splitting grin. Finally, after years of hearing all sorts of insults towards his people's diet, after years of hearing how gross it was that he ate brains, he had at last gotten someone to speak out the obvious.

El Tigre could suck it. There was nothing more disgusting than Leone's food.

He slowly shook a fist in the air, as he gave a victorious, gleeful yell.

"Vindicatioooon!"

* * *

 **Author's note: This was funnier in my head.**

 **Guess this is what happens when I rewatch B99 clips.** **This is really short, but it's just an idea that popped into my mind. I do wonder if Frida actually remembers she ate brains or their taste.**

… **Why did the cafeteria even have brains in the menu?**

 **Anyway, have this weird combo. I actually really liked writing them!**


	5. The Cupid

**Summary:** Cactus Kid only wanted his crush to notice him. Somehow he got one Frida Suárez as his wingwoman and love coach. Hopefully Sofia wouldn't kill them too painfully.

 **Genre(s):** Humor/Romance/Friendship

 **Pairing(s):** one-sided (?)Cactus Kid/Billy x Sofia, other minor implied and/or mentioned pairings.

 **Disclaimer: El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is copyrighted by Nick, Mexopolis and its creators Jorge R. Gutierrez and Sandra Equihua. Any referenced works are owned by their respective creators.**

* * *

Cactus T. Kid ran as fast as he could.

The policia was closing in on him, the loud sirens blasting in his ears- he had to be quick.

He dug into his pockets and took out three tiny cacti. He swiftly threw them at the cars, using his powers to make them grow into huge cacti monsters.

The screeches of tires against the concrete mixed with the beasts' own, and the useless policemen were stuck dealing with his minions.

The cactus-themed villain grinned. The nuisances were out of the way, now he just had to reach his hideout and-

 _BOOM!_

Cactus shielded himself with one arm. Waving away the dust, he looked to his left. His eyes widened.

Standing on four makeshift legs made of her hair was the Moustache Mafia's Don's granddaughter, Sofia. She was holding a large painting in her hands.

Cactus gaped at the sight. The young heiress quickly surveyed the area, looking as determined and intimidating as she did beautiful.

His heart almost stopped when she looked in his direction. She blinked when she noticed him- in all his awkward glory, simply marveling at her. But instead of swatting him away with her locks as if he were a fly, like he expected, she smiled and winked at him, before using her hair to swing from building to building.

Cactus spent a good minute admiring Sofia's graceful escape, until the loud sirens brought him back to reality, alerting him that the police were catching up quickly.

Oh. Well, that explained her reaction.

The villain bit his lower lip. He was out of cacti and there were none nearby he could use or turn into his usual minions. He would have to improvise. He didn't like the idea, but it was either that or going back to jail.

Quickly choosing the lesser of the two evils, Cactus loosened the knot of one of the bags he'd been carrying and threw it at the cars. The money spilled out in their windshields; momentarily blinding them and making the cars go out of control. Meanwhile, Cactus made his escape, going into a dark alley before diving into one of the sewers.

His escape was successful, but at a small price.

* * *

Billy kicked the door open.

Home sweet home.

Billy closed the door behind him with his heel and dropped the money bags in the middle of the room, before collapsing in one of his old armchairs.

Today had been a total fiasco.

He smelled worse than a skunk with garlic breath, he was so nauseated he felt he was going to lose his lunch at any second, and he had lost some of his loot just so he could lose the cops.

Not that he would've had to, if he hadn't gotten distracted during his escape.

Billy sighed. If only Sofia hadn't been there…

And yet, the brief meeting was the best thing that had happened to him today.

Billy thought back to the moment. How wonderful had she looked tonight, with her determined eyes and silky, brown locks. Normally, Billy would've looked back on the memory and smacked himself for just staring like an idiot. But today had been different.

He grinned, remembering her pretty smile and saucy wink. Sofia was simply too cute for words.

Cute enough to make him forget everything around him.

His smiled vanished as quick as it came at the sobbering thought. This wasn't the first time he'd failed because of Sofia.

No, not because of Sofia, he scolded himself for unwittingly putting the blame on her-but because his brain became a mushy mess and he turned into a blubbering idiot whenever he saw Sofia.

He sighed again. It was high time he admitted it, because if he insisted in being in denial or tried to suppress his feelings any longer, his criminal career would go down the drains faster than a goat running from a chupacabra.

Billy was in love.

He completely and utterly head over-heels in love.

It was a terrifying, consuming, blissful feeling that kept him awake at night and daydreaming during the day. Billy both relished and abominated these feelings, for all the happiness he felt when he was in her presence, when she was on his mind, and the despair that crawled his insides, whenever he thought how hopeless and one-sided his crush was.

How could he ever hope to be with her? She was fierce, beautiful, and the granddaughter of one the most infamous, most powerful villains in Miracle City, already making a name for herself as his future successor. While him… well, he had improved a lot over the years, the name Cactus the Kid or Cactus T. Kid- as he called himself nowadays- had finally gained some infamy on the streets and he'd been unofficially recognized as part of both El Tigre _and_ Albino Burrito's unofficial Rogues Galleries.

Pretty impressive if he said so himself.

But he still paled in comparison to the many other villains that plagued the town- the Of the Dead family, the Flock of Fury, the Chipotles, Señor Siniestro, Chapuza's Zombies, El Mal Verde and more. Not to mention, of course, his beloved's family, the Moustache Mafia.

Sure, Miracle City was a 'spicy cesspool of crime and villainy' and all that- where the super-villain was supposed to be king, but no one ever talked about the massive competition for those in the field of villainy. Couldn't all those villains go somewhere else? Shogun City needed villains; go there, for cacti sake!

But he digress.

The struggles of villainy aside, this whole romance thing had bothered him long enough.

He really, really wanted something with Sofia.

And it wasn't like he hadn't tried before- well, sorta.

Back when they were still kids, he'd tried to get her attention, many times, but each and every single time, something or someone got in the way before he could even start. Pure and utter bad luck, if he had anything to say about it.

It was so bad that, for an entire year, he'd actually thought Sofia was ignorant of his existence.

And so, Billy mostly gave up for a few years, concentrating on his villainous career and making his Papa, Mama and everyone back at San Pueblito proud instead.

His feelings however, never vanished, and instead got worse and worse. And that was a problem. Suffering from his lovesickness in silence was one thing, but when it started to interfere with evil-doing? Hoo-boy, that was whole different issue.

But today's events had given him hope again. Maybe he had his head too far up in the clouds once again and her flirty gestures hadn't meant a thing, but darn it, he wasn't about to let even the tiniest of chances slip by.

He'd woo Sofia, for sure this time!

But the matter was… how?

All his attempts from before had ended horribly. Billy wasn't sure he actually had the confidence to do try it again- not without his terrible luck getting in the way.

Billy's good mood deflated. Today really wasn't his day.

He gave a resigned sigh and walked towards the door.

He needed a drink.

* * *

Cactus the Kid pushed the doors and headed straight to the counter.

Cactus really liked this place. Boca del Diablo, an old-fashioned western saloon styled bar located in the obscure corners of Calavera, was a rather small and quiet place, and had some of the best drinks he'd ever had. Not to mention, it was actually a villain's bar, made so villains could hang out and relax without worrying about any cops, heroes or their secret identities.

It was just what he needed to soothe his nerves.

Cactus had just ordered some Cactini when he noticed a group of familiar faces.

Django of the Dead, Dr. Chipotle Jr., Señor Siniestro, Che and El Oso were all sitting together at a circular table, in a quiet, recluse corner.

Cactus perked up. It was always nice to see his villainous colleagues, especially when they were not busy doing evil and other stuff.

As soon as the bartender handed him his drink, Cactus headed towards the table, a jovial grin on his face.

"Howdy, fellow villains!" he greeted them with a friendly wave.

Cactus figured he must've startled some of them, given the way they winced and glared. El Oso was the first to greet him, "Hey, mang!"

"Since we're all here, mind if I join you guys?"

Seconds of silence ticked by before Dr. Chipotle Jr. and Señor Siniestro followed suit, muttering their own greetings while Che nodded at him, "Kid". Django simply motioned him to take a seat. Siniestro dealt him some cards.

The cactus-themed villain placed his drink on the table and started to play. It was nice to do things like these once in a while, he was glad he'd come here after all.

The table quieted down once more, only the soft muttering from some of the villains and the shuffle of the cards breaking the silence now and then.

Cactus remained oddly silent. Normally, he'd be chattering non-stop, but something occupied his mind at the moment. He peeked at the other villains, his face hidden by his cards.

Now that he thought about it, now was the perfect opportunity to ask for some help.

Sure, his villainous peers could be a bit… harsh sometimes, but maybe this laid-back, quiet environment was just what he needed to have them help him in his romantic endeavors. They were drinking too, so maybe that would mellow them down a little- make them friendlier. Just enough to lend him a hand or give him good advice.

El Oso was the oldest at their table, having decades of life experience on him that they, still in their twenties, had yet to have- maybe this applied to love as well?

The other four, Cactus was sure, also had more experience than he did in terms of relationships and romance- or at least, that's what it looked like to him.

He'd seen Che with different women before- _human_ women at that, although he never really saw any of them more than once. And he'd seen Siniestro, Chipotle Jr. and Django been followed by three weird women numerous times before. At first he'd only seen them near Siniestro, but then they took to stalking the other two as well. Sure, the three villains didn't seem to be in a relationship with any of them- rather they always looked annoyed at those women and harshly rejected their advances, but if they could attract pretty girls like that, head over heels for them, they must be doing something right.

Cactus bit his lower lip. Well, he had nothing to lose, so might as well ask them for some well-needed advice.

What could go wrong?

"So," Cactus spoke up. The other villains, who had been quietly talking among themselves, turned to him, curious as to why the cactus-themed villain, who had been silent all night, suddenly spoke up.

"I, uhm…I-"he stammered, suddenly nervous from the stares and from what he was about to ask. He swallowed as he saw the curious but bored expressions turn into impatient glares. "I- I got a friend who needs advice!" he shouted. El Oso, who had been sitting right next to him, rubbed his ears, "Ow, mang." The other villains blinked in surprise at his outburst.

Oh dear. Did he really just pull the old "I got a friend…" card? He was too nervous. He had to calm down.

He had to roll with it now, no backing down.

Cactus inhaled. "You, you see… My friend, he… he has this girl he really likes but he's kinda shy and nervous and she's this really confident, beautiful woman who's kinda out of his league and he doesn't know what he has to do to get her to notice him," Cactus frowned. "And he's worried that if he doesn't act now, he'll lose her forever, doomed to a life forever alone, deprived of her love and cute little _cacti vests_ ," Cactus unknowingly got more and more frantic, shouting the last part in anguish as he leaned and pounded his fists on the table. Realizing his mistake, he quickly recovered and sat up. He chuckled sheepishly and asked, "So, uh, do you guys have any advice? For my friend," he added hastily.

The four villains in front of him exchanged glances, clearly not buying his story. However, they didn't seem unwilling to help, as they shrugged and muttered various affirmative responses.

"Sure," Che turned to him. "What does your 'friend' wanna know?"

"Oh, uh," Cactus stammered. "Anything helps, really. What to do, what not to do, tips on how to woo her…"

Señor Siniestro rubbed his chin in thought. "Well, first," he said, "ya have to learn what ya filly likes if ya wanna lass her, pardner."

Dr. Chipotle Jr. nodded. "Indeed. By knowing her ideal type and interests you are more likely to establish not only a stronger connection with her, but also yourself as an attractive romantic prospective when you approach her."

"My friend, you mean my friend," Cactus corrected.

Señor Siniestro and Dr. Chipotle Jr. rolled their eyes. "Yes, yes, we know," Chipotle dryly said.

"You- your friend," Che rolled his eyes and corrected himself when he saw Cactus open his mouth, "should also dress up more… nicely."

Cactus frowned. "What's wrong with the way I- my friend looks?"

"Nothing, nothing," Che assured him. "But if you wanna impress the ladies, well… you gotta dress up accordingly. Point in case, exhibit A," he gestured to his own clothes- a bright red general uniform.

Cactus raised an eyebrow. "And that works?"

"What can I say," Che smirked. "The ladies love a man in uniform."

"And don't act nervous," Django piped in. "Be confident. She'll definitely be more attracted to your friend this way."

"Yeah, mang!" exclaimed El Oso. "You gots to assert yo' dominance or something. Like fight her dad, mang!" El Oso smiled, oblivious to the confused stares the other men threw him.

"So," Cactus interjected, ignoring El Oso's comment, "if my friend does those things, you think he's got a shot with his crush?"

"He'll make a good impression on her," Che corrected him. "Gotta start somewhere-baby steps, you know?" he shrugged at Cactus' worried expression.

"This is great advice an' all, but I'm still worried. You guys said I- my friend- gotta learn about what she likes, but how? His brain gets all stupid when he sees her- he'll say something awful and blow it before it can even begin!" Cactus told them.

"That-a shouldn't be a problem. Just-a learn about the filly without askin' her," said Siniestro.

"Uh, how?" Cactus frowned.

"Yeah, hows, mang?" asked El Oso. "You makin' no sense, tin-man."

"Easy, pardner," Siniestro shrugged. "Ya follow her."

"Hack her data online," suggested Chipotle.

"Gather information though your net of informants or by yourself," Django paused. "You do have an informant, don't you?" he asked Cactus.

"Just ask around, people talk," Che told him. "Ask the questions before you start eat- er, beating them," he added.

Cactus blinked a couple of times, trying to process what they'd just told him. Maybe asking these guys for advice hadn't been the brightest idea.

"On a more important note," Django laced his claws together. "Does this girl have any other admirers?"

"I- I actually don't know. Maybe?" Cactus was caught off guard by the question. He was desperate to get her affection, but he'd never stopped to think about the possibility of a love rival. "She is very pretty after all," he added.

Django nodded. "Well, you should check if she has. If that's the case, you should see that 'your friend'… _takes care_ of said rival as soon as possible. And to preferably make it look like an accident- you know how it is, don't you?"

Cactus paled at the undead villain's suggestion. It had definitely been a mistake. He looked around, hopeful that he wasn't the only one freaked out by what Django had just said.

Unfortunately, to his horror, Cactus saw Siniestro and Chipotle nodding in agreement, an understanding look on their faces. Che also nodded and hummed in thought. "You could drop the guy in Zombie Town if you wanna," he offered amicably.

Cactus gulped. "Isn't that a bit too much?"

The other four stared at him in disbelief. "We're villains," said Django. "When there's someone in our way, we get rid of them!"

"We make them pay!" added Chipotle.

"Besides, you know what they say," Che interjected.

"All's fair in love and war, pardner," finished Siniestro.

"Wait, really, mang?" El Oso was confused. "I thought that like, you gots to let them go before they comes back, mang. Somethin' about ya love for them and maybes they love you… mang."

"'If you love them, let them go. If they love you they'll come back, if not, then it was not meant to be'?" offered Cactus.

Django scoffed. "What _hero_ told you that, Oso?"

"El Tigre, mang!"

"El Tigre?!" chorused the other five.

"Yeah, mangs! He, like, helped me with my true love, mang!"

"Why would El Tigre help you with that?" asked a perplexed Chipotle.

"Well, mangs, everything started when I saved hims and his little friend, mang."

"You what now?" asked Che.

"We were fightings, mang. El Tigre beat me, and the buildin' was gonna falls on him and his blue-hair'd friend, mang. So I push them outtas the way and save them!" El Oso explained. "But I told them, 'I done you a favor, so I expect a favor in return!'- so I ask them to help me marry my true love, mang!"

"I…see," Siniestro raised an eyebrow. "And-a… did it work?"

El Oso started to tear up. "Nah, mang. The Bear Princess, she already gots someone, mang! I was gonna fights her boyfriend after I defeated her dad, but…" he sobbed. "She left with him, mangs, she left me!" the big, muscled villain started to cry in his arms.

The remaining villains exchanged disconcerted glances.

"Is he… talking about actual bears?" whispered Che.

"Considering all the talk about 'asserting dominance' and the fact that it is El Oso we're talking about here…" Chipotle shuddered. "Dr. Chipotle Jr. would rather not think about it."

Cactus touched El Oso's shoulder. "Uh, there, there, buddy," he patted him in the back, trying to comfort the big villain. "And then what happened?"

El Oso perked up. "El Tigre told me to follows my true- true love, mangs! Bags of money! And then I started robbing banks again. Happiest day of my life, mang!"

"That's-a… congradulations, pardner," Siniestro gave him an insincere smile.

"So in the end, El Tigre didn't actually help you, no? Typical," snarked Chipotle.

El Oso paused to think about it. "Nah, mang, El Tigre was fine. He and his friend actually stuck with me, mangs, through thick and thin! Nobody's ever been so nice to me, mang."

Che raised an eyebrow, "Huh."

"So… they actually did help you?" asked Cactus.

"Yeah, mang. They were pretty nice about it too," El Oso nodded. "Speakin' about bags of money, I gotta go, mangs. Me and Osito are gonna pull a big heist tonight!" the hairy villain waved goodbye and went home to get his brother.

Cactus and the others waved back and watched him go.

"I can't believe that scatterbrained fool tried to marry a bear," Chipotle muttered.

"I can't believe that-a darn varmint and the blue-haired goddess _helped_ him almost marry a bear," Siniestro muttered back.

"It's El Tigre and Frida, what did you expect?" said Che. Django nodded.

The four villains returned to their chatter, wanting nothing more than forget about the bear-themed villain's weird tale.

El Oso's story, however, lingered in Cactus' mind.

* * *

Billy wandered in the streets, lost in his thoughts.

El Oso's story was very, very interesting.

He had helped- no, saved- El Tigre and his little sidekick and they'd agreed to help him in return. Not only that, but from the way he talked, even though his quest to marry the 'Bear Princess' had been an epic failure, they'd actually put forth great effort to help him. Actually, he didn't even attribute the failure to the troublesome duo- apparently it was all because the princess already had someone and he decided to let her choose.

The more Billy thought about it, the better the idea sounded.

Asking his villainous friends was out of question. Although some of their advices were actually good, the conversation at the bar was enough proof that going to them for help was a terrible idea. Not to mention, villains always asked for something in return when doing a favor, and Billy wasn't sure he wanted to own any of them a favor anytime soon.

Heroes, however, were a different story.

Well, El Tigre and Frida Suárez weren't exactly heroes- which actually made the whole situation better- but that wasn't important.

What was important was that they could be convinced to help him.

The troublesome duo had no problems in helping- or tricking- anyone, regardless of gender, age or alignment. He'd heard stories of them temporarily allying themselves with heroes, villains and even other undecided supers before, like how they helped the League of Alliance Society find the Dragon-Worm, or how they'd apparently been responsible for destroying the Golden Eagle Twins' blimp. He'd even heard a rumor that they'd helped Giant Robot Sanchéz' family as kids.

Who knew robots could have families too?

The thing was- they could help him, of that he was sure.

But there was a problem.

It was El Tigre.

And Billy wasn't too keen on asking one of his arch-nemesis for help.

It wasn't even that he hated the guy- he actually didn't, at least not like most of the the other villains did.

He disliked El Tigre and his grandfather a bit for using him to make each other jealous when he first arrived in Miracle City, sure, and because of all the times the Rivera had foiled his plans, beat him up and sent him to jail, but not to the point he couldn't stand the feline-themed super.

Actually, he'd even been a little happy at the fact he'd made an arch-nemesis at the time.

But going to the guy that made it both to the 'Top 10 Super-Heroes You Wish to Destroy Yourself' and the 'Top 10 Most Annoying Heroes' lists of Villains Quarterly, after just gaining infamy in the world of villainy?

No way he was doing that. He couldn't risk losing his hard-earned street credit that soon. Not to mention, he'd definitely have to do something for him, in order to get something in return. And, boy, did he dread whatever it is that he would ask for. El Tigre acted like a hero most of the time nowadays, but that didn't mean he still didn't have a villainous side- the utter glee the feline-themed super showed whenever he brutally slashed his poor cacti monsters was proof enough for Billy.

The Albino Burrito's image flashed for a brief moment in Billy's mind and he considered going for his other arch-nemesis, who was such a goody-goody two-shoes of a hero, he would neither ask for something in return, like El Tigre would, nor would he mock him, like many arrogant heroes, like the retiring Flama Dama, would.

Billy quickly discarded the idea, however, as it would also go badly for his reputation, considering Davi also had made it to both lists.

And that left him with one choice.

No matter how he saw it, there was only one person he could ask for help now.

He had to ask Frida Suárez for help.

* * *

The blue-haired girl had been walking home, all by herself, when he saw her. A little dangerous, considering the late hour, and that this was Miracle City, but he figured she was used to the streets, after living in this cesspool of crime and villainy for her entire life, and knew how to take care of herself.

From normal crooks and creeps that is.

He managed to capture her and take her to his hideout, but not without her getting a good few bruises in and spraying him in the eyes with whatever it is she had on her bag. She also kicked him and screamed his ear off the entire trip to his home, so he felt no guilt whatsoever at her pained ' _ow_ ' when he promptly dropped her to the hard ground.

Frida quickly got up and assumed a fighting stance. "What is it this time, huh? Just so you know, I've been working on my karate lately- if you think you can use me to get to Manny you've got another thing coming!"

Cactus Kid stared at her like she'd grown another head when the blue-haired girl started making weird noises while striking different poses. He frowned, this was way more work than it was worth.

"Wait, you've got it all wrong-" Cactus started but was interrupted by an incoming attack from Frida. Thanks to his quick reflexes, he managed to avoid getting hit. "Wow, now look here-" Cactus got cut off by a kick. "Ow!" he rubbed his arm and growled.

"I'm not-" Cactus Kid dodged the kick this time. "Using you-" he blocked a chop. "Against El Tigre!" he blocked a kick. Frida raised an eyebrow. "Then what am I here for?" she asked before she went for another kick. Cactus Kid dodged again, "I need-" he swatted her arm away "-your help-" he blocked her kick and pushed her away "with Sofia!" Frida blinked at the villainess' name and stopped attacking him. "You need what now?"

Cactus Kid was slightly out of breath and very annoyed at the weird girl, but he was glad she was finally willing to listen to him. He sighed and started to explain the whole situation to her. "Well, you see..."

Frida quieted down and patiently listened to him, much to his surprise. When he finished his story, the blue-haired girl opened a big smile.

"Aww," she cooed. "That's so sweet!"

"R-really?" Cactus asked in disbelief. He couldn't believe his ears. Could she really be willing to accept to help him? Just like that?

"Yeah," Frida nodded. "Although, I'm curious," she tilted her head, "Why didn't you just ask one of your villain friends? I mean, you got those, don't you?" she asked, frowing at him in confusion.

"Yeah, about that... I kinda did. Today. Things... didn't go so well, if you catch what I'm saying," Cactus rubbed the back of his neck.

"Did they give you bad advice or something?" Frida asked.

Cactus Kid winced. "Something like that."

Frida nodded in understanding, "Ah, that bad, huh?" Cactus Kid nodded. "What did they say?"

"Eh... they kinda suggested something along the lines of stalking my crush and killing my love rivals."

"Oh," realization dawned on Frida's face. "Did you- yeah, I think I know who you talked to," Frida nodded. "Those guys... they never learn do they?" she sighed and shook her head. She paused then turned to him, "Did any of them suggest you kill any future kids your love rival might have with your crush or something like that?"

"N-no," Cactus Kid said, a little disturbed by her question. "That sounds... oddly specific."

"Don't worry about it," she waved off his comment. "It's better that you don't know. Just wanted to make sure that's all."

Cactus blinked at her response, but decided to let it slide, not wanting to know who would suggest such a thing. He pitied whoever was that lunatic's object of affection. And the kid.

Speaking of victims...

Cactus bit his lower lip, suddenly feeling a little awkward from the previous talking, having only now realized Frida had been victim of some of his villainous peers' crazy forms of courting. "Oh, uhm... sorry about, you know. I didn't mean to say anything-"

Frida interrupted him. "It's fine, dude," she rolled her eyes. "For better or for worse I'm used to it. Not like they're getting anywhere with me anyway," she muttered the last part.

"So... we're good? You're still going to help me?" Cactus asked, nervous that she'd refuse to help him because of his friends.

Frida eyed him and smiled. "Don't worry dude, I'll help."

"You are?!" Cactus Kid was elated.

"Sure, why not? It's like I got anything better to do," she shrugged. "Though you could have just asked me like a normal person, instead of _kidnapping_ me in the middle of the night," she glared him.

Cactus laughed sheepishly. "My bad," he rubbed the back of his neck. "But would you have listened to me if I'd just approached you normally, talking like an old friend? At this hour of the night?" he asked.

A pause.

"Yeah, I guess that would've been weirder," she mumbled. "But anyway," she perked up, "let's get to business!" She took off her googles and pulled out a list, "So, how do you wanna do this- make-over? 'Mysterious Guy'? Pretend to be into junk she likes? 'Meet Cute'? 'Shanghai Swappadoo'-?"

"Shang- what now?" he interrupted her.

"Shanghai Swappadoo. You know, when you pretend to defeat a fake, scary monster so she'll think you're cool," she explained.

"Oh," that was surprising, "didn't know they had a name for that." He shook his head, "Never mind that- those tactics, do they really work?"

"Sure they do. Trust me, dude. By now, I'm an expert on how the 'Shanghai Swappadoo' works and how it can be successful! Used to pull it off with Manny all the time when we were kids. Heck, we pulled off one just last month!"

Cactus started to question his decision. Not for the first time, he wondered just how much El Tigre's powerless, weird friend could do to help him. She reeked of trouble and he didn't know if going along with whatever she had planned would be worth it in the end, even if it was for the sake of love.

However, El Oso had mentioned her just as much as he did El Tigre when telling his story, so she must've been of help back then.

Besides, desperate times called for desperate measures.

And he was pretty desperate.

"I…hope you're right about that," Cactus frowned. "Because, if this thing blows and Sofia hates me because of it, I swear I'll-"

"You know, you're being pretty rude to the person who accepted to help you even though you _kidnapped_ them," Frida glared at him, crossing her arms. She paused, as if in thought, then started to walk away, "If you're gonna be like that, you better find someone else to play cupid for you. Good luck finding someone better, though, 'cause you're gonna need it."

Cactus panicked. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Please, don't go… I- I just really like her, okay?! And I… oh, I'm just- I'm hopeless," Cactus' shoulders sagged.

Apparently the self-pitying act worked, as the blue-haired girl stopped when she saw the crestfallen expression on his face. She sighed but approached him once again. She put a friendly and comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Aw, c'mon, don't be like that…," she said sympathetically. "Don't you worry, dude, I'm gonna help ya- Sofia won't know what hit her! By the time you an' me are done, she's gonna be all over you," she assured him.

At this Cactus perked up. "Y-yeah. Let's do this!"

Maybe this could work after all, he mused, his optimistic nature finally back. Maybe, just maybe, with Suárez' help, he could get Sofia to notice him.

"Now, we're talking!" Frida slapped him in the back. The tall villain, not expecting the sudden assault on his back, tumbled forward, almost falling over.

"So listen well," she grabbed other lists from within her red googles, ignoring how the villain glared at her. "First, we gotta decide which item we're gonna do first. Or what's our plan gonna be. So, what do you wanna do?"

Cactus rubbed his shoulder. "Well, I guess we could try…" he took one of the lists from her hands and squinted at it. "…the 'Meet Cute'?" What was that all about?

Frida hummed and rubbed her chin. "The 'Meet Cute', huh?"

He sighed. "Look, I'm not exactly confident about this- I told you, I've tried before, but-"

"Yeah, yeah, your stinkin' bad luck got in the way, I know," she interrupted him as she went through the other plans.

Cactus frowned at the interruption. "So really, anything goes. We might as well keep trying all of these," he picked up one of the papers that had fallen to the ground, "until we get something that works."

Frida grinned. "Okay, crazy, if that's what you want." She grabbed the papers, her eyes quickly going through all of them. "Don't you worry, Cactus Boy-"

"Uh, it's Cactus The Kid-"

"I got you covered- you're gonna woo Sofia's socks off, you'll see! Before you know it, you two are gonna be together, happily ever after and all that junk," her smile grew larger and larger as she was, no doubt, brewing a crazy plan in her mind. "Now come here and listen to me. First, we gotta-"

Cactus listened to the blue-haired girl's energetic rambling about her- 'their' plans. The longer she went, the crazier they got.

Suddenly, he had a very bad feeling about this.

He looked up, praying to heavens this woudn't be a complete disaster.

By his cacti powers, what had he gotten himself into?

* * *

 **Author's note: This was originally going to be a full, multi-chaptered story, but I soon became disintered in it. I'll think of a better Cactus Kid/Sofia centered story in the future. But for now, have this weird one-shot.**

 **Writing the way some of the characters speak is hard, but I had fun writing El Oso. Hopefully it wasn't too exagerated.**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed it.**


	6. The Cupid (Part II)

**Summary:** Cactus Kid only wanted his crush to notice him. Somehow he got one Frida Suárez as his wingwoman and love coach. Hopefully Sofia wouldn't kill them too painfully.

 **Genre(s):** Humor/Friendship/Romance

 **Pairing(s):** Cactus Kid/Billy x Sofia, other pairings implied if you squint.

 **Disclaimer: El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is copyrighted by Nick, Mexopolis and its creators Jorge R. Gutierrez and Sandra Equihua. Any referenced works are owned by their respective creators.**

* * *

"The Dark Quixote was… _**her**_?!"

Everyone looked in shock at the exposed "villain". The fearsome, cool baddie had been none other than the powerless, weak Frida Suárez.

The blue-haired woman, now without her helmet, rubbed the sore spot in her head as sat up. "Ow…"

This was going to leave a mark later.

Manny looked at his best friend, speechless. What the heck was going on here?! The other male villains had similar expressions on their faces.

Che was the first to break out off his shocked stupor and help the girl stand up. That had been close! He and the other guys could've seriously hurt her just now! Fortunately, Cactus Kid had stopped them, before something like that could happen. Wait, Cactus Kid…?

He turned to the cactus-obsessed villain and glared. "Explain yourself, Kid."

The naïve super-villain gulped. "W-well, you see…"

"Yeah, meat-face, explain why is, is… _Suárez_ the Dark Quixote?" This time Tattoo, one of the villainesses, snapped. "All this time I was swooning over…" she trailed off with an expression of disgust before she screamed in frustration.

All the villains turned to glare at the usually sunny villain. Billy was trembling in his boots- that wasn't what he had in mind. "W-well…"

Frida, already recovered from her dizziness, stood between Billy and the angry crowd. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, guys. It isn't Kid's fault!"

"Explain, Suárez, before I blast you and Cactus Boy over there into smithereens!" Black Cuervo threatened, pointing her laser at them for good measure.

The blue-haired girl sighed. "Well, I guess there's no choice."

Billy tried to stop her. If she revealed what they'd been doing up until now, he'd...! "Frida, wait-"

"I was... helping him out with Sofia."

Cuervo lowered her weapon. "Sofia?"

" _Sofia_?" El Tigre echoed in disblief.

" _ **Sofia**_?" chorused the crowd of villains.

"Sofia?" asked a new voice. "Oh wait, that's me."

The crowd turned towards the voice, revealing the very same villainess they'd been talking about.

Sofia made her way past the crowd of evil-doers and towards Frida and Cactus T. Kid, her gaze fixated on the cactus-themed villain's face. She stopped right in front of him, and despite the fact the villainess had to slightly tip her head back to look into his eyes, Billy had never felt smaller or more intimidated in his life.

Sofia crossed her arms. "Well?"

Billy gulped. "Well, you see, I- there was this, uh, thing, and, and-" Sofia raised an eyebrow and frowned. Billy stopped talking, deciding it would be better to quit before he made a bigger fool of himself. He sighed. "The truth is... I... I... I'm in love with you."

The crowd gasped.

"I've been for a long, long time and... well, you're this amazing woman and badass villainess and I'm, well... _me_ , and I... I just thought that- if I wanted a chance, that I-" Billy's shoulders drooped. "Look, I just wanted to impress you and I asked Suárez for help and I... I know I failed miserably but that shouldn't matter because I-" he sighed. "I should've just asked you out or talked to you to... get who you really are and not... not this image in my head instead of a cheap trick like the Sandai Swampa-boo-"

"Uh, it's Shangai Swappadoo-" interjected Frida.

"Whatever!" Billy glared at her. He looked back to Sofia, "I shouldn't have done that 'cause... you deserve better. Much better. And I understand if you never want to talk to me ever again."

"Aw, mang," El Oso cried and sniffed, "is just like El Tigre said, mang. But is so sa-a-a-d!" El Oso cried harder than before. Dr. Chipotle Jr. and Señor Siniestro, each on one side of the hairy villain, took a step away from the weeping man and his gross waterfalls he called tears.

"Ugh," Tattoo groaned at the pathetic display. "Lame!" she shouted. "Kick his butt already Sofia! And Suárez' too! Or you can leave her to us if you want!" The surrounding villains glared at her. "What? Just trying to help a fellow villainess."

Cuervo snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. And you call Cactus Boy pathetic."

Tattoo glared back at the bird-themed villainess. "Why, you little-"

"Oh, Cactie! That is _SO ROMANTIC_!"

Tattoo and Cuervo stopped arguing. "Wait, what?"

" _What_?" Frida raised an eyebrow.

" **WHAT**?!" The crowd of villains chorused.

"Whaaaaa...?" Billy was out of words. Did Sofia just...?

"Yeah!" Sofia smiled sweetly. "Nobody has ever done so much just so they could impress me before! It's so _cute_! So _sweet_! And that little speech from before? Oh, aren't you the litttle charmer? "

"Oh... really?" Billy smiled. "What a relief! For a second I thought you'd be really mad at me-"

" ** _AND I AM_**!" Sofia grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and started to shake him like he weighed nothing. "WHAT, DID YOU THINK I"M STUPID OR SOMETHING?! AS IF ALL VILLAINESSES LIKE THE SAME THING!"

"I-I-a-a-m-so-o-or-r-y!" Billy tried to apologize.

Sofia stopped her assault and wrapped her arms around Billy. "Aaaw, no need to apologize my wittle Cactie-honey-boo. It's fine, you're just shy and that's sooo cute!" She planted a kiss on his cheek and giggled at Billy's flustered, love-struck face. "That's gonna be a fun little story to tell our kids someday."

Che inwardly cringed. "They just got together and she's already talking about _kids_? Man, she's nuts! Kid's probably re-thinking his decisions-"

Cactus T. Kid wrapped his arms around Sofia and twirled her around. "Whoo-hoo! I did it guys! I'm the happiest villain in the world!"

"...Or not," Che stared at the new happy couple in disblief.

Django cleared his throat. "Yes, well, let's put that aside for the moment..." He turned to Frida. "Do you have anything to say to us?"

Frida froze in place. "Uhm..."

Django narrowed his eyes. "Your recklessness is going be your demise someday. You could've seriously gotten hurt just now, I'm sure you're aware." Dr. Chipotle Jr. and Señor Siniestro nodded.

"Yeah, Frida, what the heck?" Manny got in between Frida and Django, ignoring the annoyed glares that got thrown in his direction. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean, I could've helped!"

"Yeah... sorry, dude. Kid asked me to keep it a secret, you know? But I'll make it to you, let me just- OH, LOOK, A THING!" Frida pointed at the sky. Everyone turned to look.

Manny frowned. "Oh, c'mon, Frida, nobody wants to see El Oso trying to fly again- and she's gone. She's gone."

"Well," Che said after an awkward moment of silence, "this was a complete waste of time. I'm done. See ya losers."

Django sighed. "No kidding," he left with Che.

"I will also be taking my leave. No need to stay and watch that revolting display of affection between the two loud imbeciles!"

"Ya said it, pardner!" Dr. Chipotle Jr. and Señor Siniestro bid their 'goodbyes' and left as well.

"He didn't even wait for me," Tattoo pouted at being ignored by Siniestro again. "Oh well," she shrugged and turned to Manny. "Say, Tigre, how about you and I-"

Cuervo punched her square in the face. Tattoo collapsed to the ground, unconscious. "Nope."

Manny raised an eyebrow, eyes half-lidded, "Really, Cuervo?"

Black Cuervo just smiled innocently and shrugged. "She looked tired. I just gave her a hand before she said or did anything stupid." Her tone turned more flirtatious, "So, bad man, you wanna-"

"No." Cuervo pouted at the interruption. "We're gonna drop her at the police station. Yes, we," he said, not giving her time to complain, " _You_ knocked her out, so _you_ are going to help me carry her there. And by that, I mean that you're gonna carry her all the way there and I'm gonna drop her off and take credit."

Black Cuervo huffed. "Fine. But you suck at planning dates. I hope you know that."

Manny rolled his eyes. "Let's just go already."

Cuervo just giggled as the two took off into the night.

"Geez, talk about drama couple," commented Sofia, still locked in an embrace with her new boyfriend.

"Cactie-poo?" Sofia looked up only to find her man out cold.

Apparently Sofia did not know her own strength. Or how lethal her bear-hugs could be.

"Cactie-poo!" Sofia shook him, trying in vain to wake up her boyfriend.

"I don' think that's good, mang."

Sofia looked up and found El Oso standing a little too close to them. How did she not notice him before?!

Sofia glared at the bear-themed villain. "What are you still doing here?!"

El Oso blinked. "Dunno, mang. You and yous man were here, and the cactus mang, he's on the ground, and I thoughts, maybe yous need my help..."

"WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

El Oso winced at the loud volume of Sofia's voice. "Ouch, mang," he rubbed his ears. "Yous don't need to yell at me, mang!"

Sofia growled. The little bit of patience she had for the dimwitted villain was already wearing thin. But she had to calm down. For her Cactie-poo.

"Fine," Sofia muttered between gritted teeth. "If you wanna help, then carry my Cactie-poo to the hospital. And do it _gently_. Or **else**."

El Oso gulped. "Yes, ma'm."

Sofia glared at the larger man one more time before a worried, softer look took its place. "Don't you worry, my wittle Cactie-poo, I'm gonna make sure your boo-boos are taken care of," Sofia whispered to her still unconscious boyfriend.

And thus the story of how Miracle City's weirdest couple got together comes to an end.

Or does it...?

Yes, yes, it does. Everybody go home. It's over. That means you, El Oso. No more screentime for you.

"Aaaw, mang."

* * *

 **Author's note: Sooo, remember that Cactus Kid x Sofia multichapter fic I scrapped? Well, another concept from that story is that Frida (the wingwoman) would eventually disguise herself as this fake, badass, mysterious villain that Billy would defeat in order to impress Sofia. Of course, the disguise would be such a success that many of the villainesses would wound up crushing on said mysterious villain, and many of the male villains (plus Manny) would regard him as a threat. And all would lead to many of the villains and villainesses alike ganging up on 'Dark Quixote' (aka Frida) in order to defeat 'him'.**

 **And this is how it all came to this.**

 **Hopefully you guys enjoyed it!**


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